Dealing with the people who wreak havoc in your life (Download pdf here)
Di McDonald and Suzi Jotwani
 
We can all get completely derailed and confused by the people in our lives who wreak havoc, frustrate, emotionally drain and hurt us.  It is timely to note during WorkSafe Week that such people can pose a serious risk to the psychological health of individuals in the workplace environment.      
 
We have selected a pile of books currently doing the rounds of the develop and resolve consulting teams.  These books provide insight and advice to help you better understand and manage these particularly difficult relationship experiences – and risks.      

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“It’s all YOUR Fault!”
12 tips for managing people who blame others for everything
 
Bill Eddy
(Janis Publications, 2008)
 

 
“Don’t blame me…its’ not my fault” is a common catch cry for high conflict people.  
 
In our lives we come across people who are not only difficult and seem to be “conflict prone” but they also never seem to see their contribution in the conflicts that they repeatedly find themselves in. They blame others often focusing doggedly on a “target of blame” who they believe is the cause of the conflict that they find themselves in. Anyone can become their "target of blame" just by being in a close relationship or being an authority figure in the high conflict person’s life. They can be exhausting to manage. Bill Eddy provides 12 excellent tips for managing these high conflict people in our lives. This refreshingly easy to read book  gives a positive perspective on interactions with high conflict people urging insight, understanding and skills to manage them effectively, rather than criticism, annoyance and frustration….which, lets face it, is a damaging attitude for our own health. A highly recommended read for all.  
 
Four and a half stars.

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Difficult Personalities
A practical guide to managing the hurtful behaviour of others (and maybe your own!)
 
Dr. Helen McGrath & Hazel Edwards
(Choice, 2000)
 

 
Whether you are hoping to understand the difficult behaviour of someone you work with or live with, or want to better understand your own behaviour, this Australian publication is straight-forward and an easy read, littered with ‘ah-ha’ moments.   It includes an entire section on strategies for coping with difficult personalities, making decisions about difficult situations and relationships, self-assertion, managing anger and conflict, and skills for maintaining a strong romantic partnership.   It has something for everyone.
 
Three and a half stars.        

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Working with Monsters
How to identify and protect yourself
 
John Clarke
(Random House Australia, 2005)
 

 
Think you might be working with a psychopath?   How can you tell?    This book will help you understand, identify and protect yourself from those who manipulate with cunning and ruthlessness.   Clarke writes from his personal experience working in both the criminal and corporate world and provides real-life examples.  If you are fascinated by TV shows about criminal profiling, you’re bound to find this an interesting read.  
 
Four stars.

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Emotional Vampires
Dealing with people who drain you dry
 
Albert J. Bernstein
(McGraw-Hill, 2001)
 

 
Unfortunately, a garland of garlic won’t protect you from the people who drain your emotional energy dry.   As Bernstein points out, we are not talking about everyday annoyances, easily whisked away with the assertive I-statement.  Emotional vampires have the power to cloud your mind with false promises until you are tangled in their spell.   You like them, you trust them, you expect more from them than other people – and you get less; and are left wondering is it them or is it me?   Instead of a sharp stake (tempting though it may be), the author provides a valuable insight into the peculiarities of different vampire personality types, and for each he provides the ‘10 Elements of Vampire Fighting Strategy’, and ‘Therapy‘ – just in case you recognise the signs in yourself or someone you care about.   There are more reasons to read this book than the stir created when people get a glimpse of the book cover!  
 
Four stars.

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Take the Bully by the Horns
Stop unethical, uncooperative, or unpleasant people from running and ruining your life
 
Sam Horn
(St. Martin’s Press, 2002)
 

 
This is the handbook for the proactive person who wants to ‘act wisely, not rashly’.   It is filled with examples, gets stuck into the different bully types (they are not all the same), and provides action prompts and plans with each chapter.   The summary sections at the end of each chapter make for easy referencing.  As the title suggests, if you have a problem with a bully, this book expects you to do something about it.    
 
Four and a half stars.      
 

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Want to know more?
 
ResolutionsRTK will be running specific training programs dealing with high conflict individuals and emotional vampires in the workplace in January 2009.  
 
You can register your interest by calling Sue Kay on 03 9529 6600.
 
Download pdf of this article here.

I hate dealing with these people. It seems there is always one person in a workplace that enjoys arguing with fellow coworkers and bosses. I try to address these types in private and express my conflicts with their behavior and how detrimental it is to the morale of the whole office. It just takes one person to pull down the rest.